I’d like to thank those of you for your feedback and comments.  I really do appriciate it.  Honestly, I somewhat feel bad as I had agreed to post twice a week.  Unfortunately my two posts will seemingly come close together or almost on the same day.  For this I apologize.  This week, with V-day and all, was somewhat an semi-emotional one.  After loosing the love of my life last April - these first few “holidays” have been tough at times going through them alone.  Though I try to stay strong - it still gets to you a bit especially on these days - around these times. 

Anyways, so this post.  I am sitting here trying to decide where I should go with this….what to say exactly.  What is on my mind?  Well, I will say that I am sitting here feeling somewhat lost.  That simple 4 letter word seems to have crept into my life alot over the past year almost here.  Lost in so many different ways.  Both generally speaking  for both sides of me.  My normal boy side, and well the path/development of Staci Marie. 

As a side note - I have somewhat failed in the things I wanted to follow that I mentioned in previous post.  I have not stuck to using my plug nor practicing on my dildo.  I am not sure why?  I suppose its because I can choose not to, or maybe its more that it is not much fun, or exciting doing it on my own for myself.  I need that interaction with someone, that push, that guiding presence.  However I will say as I sit here typing this, my plug is in fact inserted. 

I wanted to thank Mistress Honey, before I forget, for the lovely post concerning me, and all her help in pushing me.  It has been a good starting point for me, and I am trusting in her direction.  I must admit I sometimes think I need more however.  At the same time, I can understand why she has not giving me more as I seemed to have a hard time keeping up thus far with even the two posts a week.  Maybe it is more my lack of commitment that has kept her from giving me more things to do, more structured specific tasks.  Maybe it is me, and not those “domme” I find that keep me from progressing.  I am honestly not sure. 

Its just like a few times this week, in the morning getting ready for work, it crossed my mind to be daring and wear panties to work.  Yet again, I brush off the thought - not because I fear getting caught, but because the idea came from my own mind and not due to someone else’s suggestion.  The other problem with this is that I dont have alot of panties, or other clothing items that truly fit me properly.  Unfortunately things cost money - and I dont have alot of money to spend on things.  I am aware there are great deals out there that can be found; but with no one to share them with on a constant basis - seems like somewhat a waste of money.  If I had someone in my life to share this with on a regular basis.  I would easily, Im sure, loosen the strings on the lil money I do have. 

I am not sure if this is good or bad but unfortunately the plug stayed in this time for only about an hour, as I had to pause writing this as my body decided to push it out.  I must admit, I really am unaware of the proper use of many toys that exist out there, even a few that i have.  While I have been “toying” with things and this side of me for a few years - I’ve never really truly gotten to expierence alot and am still very new in many ways.  The fact it did not stay in long could also be due to the fact last night I was somewhat naughty.  I found myself quite horny and decided to ride my dildo.  I’ll admit, many times I am not into doing this.  Partly because I tend to want to save the dildo for practicing sucking, but also because most times it rather hurts.  Occasionally however I get the urge to insert it.  I will say there is something about riding it and cumming without touching myself that is a turn on. 

Other then that I suppose I will wrap this up, so as to have maybe more to say in my next post which will be soon.  And if you were wondering I still have had no luck in enjoying my own sweetness.  I tried a few times to enjoy it - yet constantly I find that urge gone once I release.  I am not sure how to work on getting by this. 

Hope all of you are doing well and thanks for reading.  As always your feedback is more then welcomed.